Friends = Pain

I've been through a lot. May have not always handled it all well at times but I came through it eventually. Just when I think I finally have the right balance in things, something happens. I can't figure it out. I guess its just my life pattern. Gotta have more lows than highs in my life I guess.

I meet people, bring them in my lives.......I share my world with them. Then something happens. Usually out of nowhere and then its over. I'm so sick of losing people this way. It almost makes me just not want to even put myself out there anymore. I know I can be complicated and stubborn. Sometimes people just can't handle it. Its not like I'm hiding that part of myself at first so why out of nowhere can it be bothersome?

I just got hit with a curve ball. Definitely something I didn't expect. Looks like this will only end if I actually do something. Make people pay for their actions. I'm no longer going to allow people to hurt me. Its not happening. I'm sick of it. Its really sad too. I think I find good people to share my life with. Share myself with....and then I get pushed away. I can definitely say I'm done with that. Nobody else new. No more friends. I can not ever trust anyone else again.

I may wait the weekend to see if they slept off their actions and finally get their head straight and would like to talk. I really hope that is the case. The last thing I want is to outwardly cause pain to another. I'd rather handle things like normal people do. So we will have to just wait and see. I will blog specifically what I'm talking about probably on Monday....dependent on this person's choices.

So that is that for now. I'm going to go back to drinking and maybe some more crying and then punching things. Gotta love life.