Mr. Anonymous, this is for you!

After my blog post from yesterday, it has come even more to my attention on how much people just suck. An anonymous person decided to comment on my "Mini Bitchfest" and decided to attack me on absolutely no grounds. The sad thing is that it is very common. It didn't hurt my feelings, but other girls/women would take it so personally that would create or enhance their body image issues for the rest of their lives. That is if they don't their life first.

So Mr. Anonymous, this one is especially for you and your kind. Ever heard of Leading by example? Not by fear or hate. You create crisis's out of nothing. You take lives by words. You just take people down just because you feel like it. Typically I wouldn't spend any of my time catering to someone like you, but as always if there is a way to EDUCATE someone, I don't mind. Besides, it is always best to stand on the ground of facts and truth vs. well whatever is going on in your brain.

Lesson #1

Not everyone is made from the same genes. Some are not lucky to have a really high metabolism to eat whatever they want without ever having to go the gym. During life, even the lucky few that have that high metabolism and everyone else, ageing affects everything to gravity, metabolism, water retention and even how many brain cells you have. Those women that chose to have a family and carry a child, changes up their whole body chemistry. All that baby weight may just go away or you have to sweat for it to get close to where you once was.

Now with that said, I was one of those girls that was a size 4 at the height of 5'8" and 140lbs. Athletic and super lean and full of muscle because of all the training I did for sports and my health. Then I became pregnant and at that time my doc told me that my work out regiment was not allowed at all during my pregnancy so needless to say I did gain over a 100lbs and was gigantic. A freaking whale. Metabolism shot to hell and depressed by all means. So after that child, I had 4 more. Five kiddos all together. Then I got my shit together and back on eating right and working out. Lost all that weight and more when I dedicated myself to it. I'm a tall girl. Long legs and long torso. Thank heavens I didn't loose my amazing bootie. :) I'm proud of my achievements. You and no one else can ever take that away from me. I'm 32 years old and getting hit on by 20 year old. I'm finally aging gracefully and healthy. So ya, you are an ass Mr. Anonymous.

Lesson #2

It take one attack dependent on that person to break them. Whether they know who are or you are a complete stranger. It can be said to their face, said the way you did, or tauting in anyway possible to bring someone down to the lowest point of their life. Why do that? There is a quote that has been around a long time, you might know this one: Treat others like you would like to be treated. So with that said, do you enjoy when people make fun of you even though they have no basis to say what they say? Words hurt sometimes more powerful than actions/assaults.

Lesson #3

If you ever want someone to take you seriously.......Don't be afraid to put a face and name behind an attack. Words may hurt like I said, but I bet you wouldn't have said anything if that anonymous option wasn't there or if you made up some name. Keep hiding. No one will ever take you seriously if you can't even stand up for your own self.


Have a shitty day! XoXo

And now it is time for a photo montage:

After my fifth child this is me. Obviously heavy from having a baby. 

At work...you know managing a pharmacy a crap. 

Fat people as you said I was, can't wear miniskirts. So um you are wrong again. :) 

Working out does a body good! 

Me...yesterday. Notre Dame Rocking. :) 

Mini Bitchfest......

I like to think of myself as a writer. To be a writer you need inspiration. Obviously of late, I've have had none of that. Life is just chugging along with more bad bumps vs. boosts. I feel like my brain with the lack of inspiration is turning into its own hermit. I can play brain boosting games all damn day but those suckers don't help. People say take that Ginkgo Biloba and all will be well!! That is if you remember to take it.

Come the beginning of the year 2015, my family and I are going to still take that leap of faith on getting the hell out of Ohio. Nothing hold us here besides ummmm nothing. I have family wanting to go with us, family already moving themselves and Winter Birds that will only be in Ohio for half the year anyways so there isn't a point. Plus I'm personally sick of the fact in my line of work with all my credentials and accreditation's, I have to unfortunately wait until someone retires or dies for a job to open up. You would think Pharmacy work would be highly needed here but only if your a retail Pharm Tech. That is not me. I gave it a go....defined it further how much I hate it. In my personal and professional opinion you should not be required to have your CphT or any other pharmacy license to be a Retail Tech. At least that is how it is for one company that I won't blast on here. Techs at this company work a damn register. Nothing pharmacy about it. You can't even mix the damn suspensions. BORING........
I guess while I'm bickering about things, might as well bitch about this too:

Dear Men/Boys,

Just because you like one of my hundred million selfies, can you please stop friend requesting me, calling my phone, talking dirty and randomly posting things on any of my social media sites that permits public rights to do so. Its annoying and so over done. I have literally a mailbox full of what I call the stalkers file of people to ignore, block or whatever. I AM NOT INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you little fuckers will pay attention to my public profile, they all say, MARRIED. Whether I bitch about having a random fight or being sad or something, doesn't give you the right to come on in and talk dirty and whatever to me. Its not wanted. Its like men don't have a filter anymore. They just look for a possible chance to swarm in to try to be that guy that makes everything all better. I will not be completely snobby though. Those that say, You are pretty or great pic or hope you have a great day.....that is okay with me. You wanna be a friend then act like a friend. Not a friend waiting to get into my pants, shorts, leggings or whatever I'm wearing that day,

I guess I will just close it up there. Just felt like writing something......even if it was all bitching.

Until next time! XoXo

What Lies Beneath.....Michael Brown.

Everyone has a voice. Only certain people know how to use it properly. We all have an opinion, but not all of us have the facts. The Truth.

Have you ever thought about the statement, "The Truth Lies Within" ?

Police investigators, students and teachers look for evidence to show proof of what you see and learn to be true. The reality of it when you are trying to figure out or try to understand why someone did or said something, you will never really know what lies within. You see the surface if you are lucky.

You see what you to see and know what you want to know. When media and tabloids get a hold of a story they show you what they want to exploit. It is never everything. My husband stated a great point: Everything is an illusion. The truth gets twisted and turned in so many ways that surface I was talking about is the only thing you have left.

Here is some examples that hopefully you might understand where I am coming from:

This story is recent and I have seen opinions flying and floating everywhere. Opinions have been shared even when that person is contradicting what they are saying. People of different entities, stature, placement, race, and even including those that are standing on their own stool or high horse.

So let us start with you watching this video:

Suspect with Michael Brown, His Witness Testimony

Now I want you to listen to it more than once. Listen to every word this kid says. First he says, the officer never said freeze, but at the end of the video he says that and I quote, "When he says freeze again,"..... He contradicts his story many times, but since he was in the media, he emphasized "shot like a dog". "shot because two black men walking down the middle of street by a white officer.".

Now I want you to watch this:

Full Video of Michael Brown and Friend Robbery along with more news

Please note in this robbery, this was done just a few minutes prior to Michael's death. A police report was released of the suspects as soon as the store owner called it in. According to the media, the officer that alleged shot Michael wasn't aware of the release of suspects information.
But also, please note in this video, Michael stole numerous cigars before leaving the scene along with his friend in the above video, stormed the clerk twice, plus place his hands around the clerk to be more of a threat to that clerk.

In just my opinion when I have heard on the news and what I have read so far on just this incident, Many people have said he was a good boy. Never did anything wrong. This video shows something quite different than the definition of a "good boy" that I have learned growing up, but yet again that is just my opinion.

Now here is the final video and story for this incident:

http://clashdaily.com/2014/08/new-evidence-eye-witness-mike-brown-shooting-states-brown-doubled-back-toward-police/

While watching the video you do hear many people screaming shouting different things, but you also hear a witness that actually was present during this scene taking place that explains in almost the same exact detail that the officer that shot the victim of what happened and reported for this event of explanation of what did happened.

So now we have three different videos, one a robbery a few minutes before, the friend of the victim involved in the robbery and was with the victim at the time of shooting, and the final video showing explicit detail of the situation but most importantly a witness explaining to others of exactly what happened because he was there.

So, what lies beneath all this? We have evidence, some facts, witnesses, a white cop that shot a black man.............
All of this display is just scratching the surface of what really happened. But to have a witness in the last video saying at first he thought it was another gang shooting but then realized differently when Mr. Brown was doubling back at the officer in full speed after trying to take the officer's handgun, ignoring all officers commands, was then shot dead.

Heck, I have even heard people say in regards to the officer that made the life ending shots to this man, should be imprisoned. Especially with one of the victims friends and/or family members so he won't live to see tomorrow.

Now go back and read what I just wrote. A black man wrote that comment on the first release of the video of the friend that was with Mr. Brown at the time speaking on how his friend was shot down like a dog after the officer yelled freeze twice...........So a black man is basically already saying that the group of friends and family of Mr. Brown are already in Jail? But his family states that he was a good boy? I'm just confused.
I don't understand why this is a Black/White thing again? Not everything in this world is racial. Its the media and the society of where certain people live and believe twist things to be racist.

No matter what I say or post or show evidence or show opinions of, media has about as much information as you and I do and the only people that really know and understand what happened is the victim on why he made the choices he did that day and that officer that made the decision to use deadly force.

I personally have been jumped and robbed from a white male. Raped by a Black Male. Just had five white teenagers set off bombs in a desired upper class part of town. People are good. But they all have some bad in them. White, Black, yellow....I don't care. Violence is violence. Making things worse and turning it into a racial thing shows me Martin Luther King Jr. didn't really do much but share a dream for only half of the world to listen and understand. 

What is up?

So many changes. So many trials and tribulations. Life isn't easy. I get it. But give this girl a freaking break already!!!
Every time I create a plan and pathway, it gets crumbled or blocked. I have a pretty good setup now of a plan in progress this time around. I pray it doesn't crumble. The house is on the market, lots of showings so far. I'm probably going to just accept the first offer so I can finally get out of this cursed forsaken house. A house is a home that you are supposed to love not hate. There is just so many bad memories in this house that I just want nothing to do with it anymore. Plus being a Pharmacologist, the job opportunities here in Ohio are very vague. I'm either too qualified or don't have the Doctor title yet to do something even though I am qualified. Most of my amazing job offers have come from down south. Most specifically Orlando, Florida area. I still have the love to move to the Colorado area though. The mountains and outdoors and all those fun activities there are still a huge desire to full fill. I'm not sure yet where I'm going, but I know I'm going because I have put the wheels in action. Plus my family is scattering all over the US too. It would be nice to be around some family of course. I would be completely lost without them and I think my kids would be too. Besides my one and only best friend Sarah, I have nothing left here. Nothing to gain from, nothing to get anything out of. The people here and the damage they have caused to my life and to my kids would finally not be something in my face when I go to the grocery store. No more triggers of their demolition. Plus....it will help me not having to restrain myself from doing something stupid to handle my anger with the ones I do where I would end up in jail or something. It still frustrates me how old friends of mine have taken in a person that has completely made the point of ruining everything of me. Not such good people themselves for doing so. But enough about all that. I will be far far away from them and never have to deal with them again. Good fucking riddance.

I'm thrilled my kids are growing up. They have triumphed over things and tackled many obstacles in their young lives and thriving more than ever. God love them! I love their smiles and laughter. Things could be completely horrible for me and then just one look of them and they remind me what my world is truly about. Love and family.

Coming up this month is another obstacle we have to conquer and that is another surgery. Not me this time, but the husband. That mass we found during his last PET scans checking to see if the cancer was back showed his right kidney not functioning properly. A couple weeks ago we did a surgical procedure to test the function of his kidneys to determine what we are going to do next and that is the dissection of the upper part of his right kidney. That big surgery will be the 25th of this month. Once he heals from this surgery, we are hoping that he won't be so sick anymore. He has been so sick for so long and just getting worse so the sooner the better. Hopefully this all we need to do and nothing else will follow it.

Well, that's all for now. If anything else exciting happens I will let you all know. Until then.....

Love always,

Me

xoxoxo

Oh nothing.....

I'm in a place right now that I will openly admit that I am not at all happy. I keep pushing in my career and keep falling in sink holes. Even relationships with others is 50/50. Its either someone wants something of me or put me down. There is no pretending that behind closed doors things are great. My kids have pushed me beyond limits that I didn't even know existed. Everything anymore is a battleground with my husband. I'm constantly trying to appease everyone and nothing is working in my favor. Not one little thing.

In my compounding pharmacy sales practice, things have been put on hold with new law changes. I haven't even had time to do one on one training. I'm in a bubble that I just keep letting people down and honestly I have no control over it. What I want and need to happen gets roadblocked.

I keep pushing for good. I still am optimistic.....well sorta. That in itself is losing its power day by day.
If I knew ahead of time that everything would be a fight, I should have taken boxing lessons.

Well there isn't much else to really vent about. So that's it for now. So back to the day of appeasing others, getting let down and then stomped on. Then repeat again tomorrow..............

Guess Who's back?

Last time I wrote on this blog, it was a very hard one to write. I really have stayed away from writing my feelings or what is happening because even when I share just a little it tears me apart or blows up. With my other blog, things seem to be easier. Yes, I still throw my strong-minded opinion, but with Life Dosing Drugs blog, its more in medical awareness and such. It doesn't always have to personal.

Over the years, I haven't been a mute. Just wasn't my nature. No transparency. It isn't the fact that I just share everything and anything, it was my own sense of therapy. Writing it out and hitting publish was my equivalent to screaming as loud as I can to get everything out on top of a mountain. I lost that part of me for awhile. Still not 100% back to who I used to be, but I will take that as a good thing.

I'm not the only one in the world having hardships that vary like a dramatic soap opera. Maybe because I was named after a chick on a soap opera is the reason why my life plays out like one? Who knows. Some people think I like drama and I need the attention in order to be who I am. That is the furthest from the truth. I'm just a girl that loves to write. Sometimes my writing not only helps me, but it helps others. When I was in high school, I was on the school newspaper and poetry classes plus advance English courses. I know my grammar isn't the best but it is a passion I have always had. I dreamed that I would be a writer when I graduated. Never even thought of science/pharmaceutical/medical world that I lust in now. You can have many passions. I've had my blogs published, sued, and read by people all over the world and have made a difference. A dream come true. Even published in a few books and currently working on a book now that a publisher has made a deal with me for.

With highlights in life there are and will ever be those downsides. Its a new year. 2013 hated me for sure. 2014, I'm not sure yet. So far there isn't a change from the previous. A lot of things still suck....like a lot. One good thing on the horizon is that we will be moving for sure, no if's, and's or but's about it. So the road to Colorado is back on the board. I will finally know how my sister feels soon when we do move. To be gone from everyone and everything that I have ever known. It is a scary feeling but in the same sense it is time to grow the fuck up and learn how to handle everything and anything on my own. I've been dependent on people my whole life to get through it and it needs to stop. I have my husband and my kiddos and we will and can do this. It will be a very different life but I think for us it is something we all need.

Now to other news. I really despise Obama. Lol.... okay so why is he not impeached yet? He sucks in so many ways I can't even count that high. I have to stay OUT of school because he changed the rules on student loans/grants. Funny in that sense he was acting more like a Republican with that change than a Democrat would. So basically if you have a huge trust-fund you can go to school. If you don't, gotta pay outta of pocket for awhile to see if your even worthy of a government grant even though you qualify. Asshat. Asshat. Asshat. Yes I just pulled a Sheldon. It pisses me off.

Let's see what else? Ummm, I had both my knees surgically done last year and tomorrow I get to have my left one done again. Really annoyed with having to deal with this outcome when the surgeries were supposed to help me not make me in pain every time I take a damn step. I haven't worn my precious heels in so long I will probably have to teach myself how to walk in them all over again when I'm finally allowed too!!!!

Plus I've been back at Mt. Carmel East Hospital for a short-time now for a contract. Kinda weird being back to the place I started my pharmacy career so many years ago but I will definitely miss it. My contract will end at the end of this month. Well I think it will. I believe I will have all their new hires trained and ready to go by then unless they hire more. Time is also coming up for me to renew my pharmacy license and I am still needing to complete a lot CE's. (Continuing Education). When you have a medical license in anything, you have to have so many hours done to complete your renewal. I have two months left to hurry it up but still waiting on the site that does the CE's to let me complete them. Always waiting on something.

So there is an update on me. I will try to write more than once a year again, I promise. :)

xoxo