Yesterday....Today. Tomorrow.

We all have something to say at this point. FB and Twitter are fired up just as much as CNN and any other news station. People pushing gun control, others squealing how they took GOD out of public school systems.

 According to the news all we know now is a mans face that in his mind probably went out in victory because he made statistics that second best rated to the tragedy that happened at VA Tech.  On top of these victims and these many little kids that lost their lives to this senseless tragedy we have other freakazoides out there with a focus on the the Mayan Calendar thinking the world is going to end. Events like yesterday could have been a reason for that. He could have thought the world was ending so who gives a fuck? Why not make my name known? Mental illness is sick. Social Media is sicker. There is no more barriers that will prevent things not to go out to the whole world. I could put up a video for two seconds and delete it and it will take one person to catch it and keep it going. Once anything is out there anymore it will always be out there and it is what defines that person.

When I write...its going to be out there whether you read what I have to say or not. This shooter is getting his way because look...I'm a nobody and talking about him. I will not say his name though. At least in my mind that's me withholding that sanctification from a dead person.

When things happen in the world I actually prefer to not hear from our President, but from a much wiser man. This situation, of course his words can not be any more brilliant. Morgan Freeman's statement about what happened for yesterdays shootings and the once previous to it are words you all should read. Hell..even act on what he closes with.

You want my opinion on what happened? Well...yesterday I puked about three times after hearing what happened. Then I couldn't stop watching the TV. I'm sitting around holding my kids that were home with me and counting down to the times when the rest were getting home from school. Then it hit me. I was doing what the killer wanted. To him he went out in a bang. He will forever be known as a monster. His name...not the victims. Then I turned off the TV. Morgan Freeman even stated that the media basically has presented this as an opening for someone else. Someone else with some mental disorder to think of a way to conquer this. Day-cares and maternity wards could be a target. One monster trying to be known a lot more than another. That is all that this is.

The government should have the country on high alert. Mayans did say the world was ending. They could be right. I don't think they are but hey...some people the sky isn't blue. Gotta be one step ahead right? Plus if I hear one more thing on the 2nd Amendment of my right to bear arms I'm just going to start taking pictures of all my 2nd amendment rights to let you know what will happen if you enter my house or touch my family. Why? Because I can.

When it comes to religion...I am Catholic so my views on God in school kinda go without saying. But luckily in my religion there are more Private schools so God may be apart of my kids curriculum.

You have to have a focus. Whether its a great achievement or a National tragedy.  Find your own standing...not the media's or your just doing what the media wants and or what the actual person that they are talking about wanted. Everyone wants to be known in some way. I'm not going to lie...I would like to have more people know my name but for good reason...not for a poor one.

Well I had to say something.....so there is my something. Please don't come at me for grammar. I will text you a picture of me flicking you off because you obviously didn't get the point of this at all.

I will follow-up again regarding mental disorders. But right now...I have my kids to hug and candles to light.

48 hours......

I love how people can be so obsessed with someone else's life, like it their Lifetime movie fix. Those of you that are thinking that your sly by going around asking people what is going on with me....your not very good at it. Besides, you go and ask a person that doesn't particularly care too much for me to begin with so I'm sure your getting solid responses. We are all adults here. I've send then eleventy times to come to me if your curious. Besides, I pretty much get straight to the nitty gritty all the time....hence me always being in trouble or depressed.

Things right now in my life are so unbalanced that I'm not even sure how to get it together. I have some ideas but carrying them out is the hard part. Knowing you disappointed the people you hold to the highest value kinda makes you feel like your world ends. At least that is how it is for me. I even attempted to make my world end and it didn't work. Yes I said it. Yes I tried. I failed...but for good reason. I don't need to be reminded about how much I do have in life that I value. Five amazing kids that honestly should have been in my state of mind last night but they weren't because of how down I was. I work up this morning crying and not wanting them to even go to school because there I was being selfish and about lost the most important things to me.

In case you all are curious, I am on meds and I go to therapy and I did contact my doc with that horrible episode. We evolved a plan to get me better. So I'm on that path. I'm sharing this with you because you can't always judge a book by its cover. People can fake smile their way through life and you will never know their demons. Sometimes you need to know them, that is if you really truly care. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. Even people that stand strong one day....may fall the next.

All I want in life is to be happy. Finding my place and where I belong. To feel wanted and desired. Not picked and poked at like I can't do anything right.

So plans are coming and being carried out. I'm dealing with my relationship with my husband the best that I can....some days are easier than others. I'm working on myself from the inside out so I can just feel good every once in awhile. My job search is coming to a close. I have multiple positions that I'm just waiting on a start date....then I get to be the one on deciding which one to take. I'm hoping to be traveling all over the US. That's the one I really want. Even though its contract; the people already love me and I love the idea of running away for a bit. When your in such a controlled environment you need a break from that or you will turn crazy like I am.

So as thing to share besides all the negative, I have some positive things too.
My daughter Zoey can read pretty much anything you put in front of her. This girl is amazing everyday...Autism may be her diagnosis but it isn't her world or knocking her down.
Paisley my youngest amazes me as well. Her vocabulary and the things that come out her mouth will completely knock your socks off. She was accepted into preschool where I know she will thrive. Just waiting to make some adjustments so she can start.
Gavin is still as cute as can be. He had his first kiss a little bit ago. He apparently sang a Justin Bieber song to his new girlfriend and she was so excited that she gave him a kiss on the lips. How cute is that??
Kymberly is 12...so this almost a teenager is driving me a little nuts. She acts like she is 17 and reminds me so much of me when I was younger that it scares the shit out of me. She's amazing and loving and so beautiful. I'm one lucky mama. ;)
Now Bradley....wow what a change. He has been called the model student from his teacher at school. He is admit about sticking to directions and will not falter  Hes struggling a bit with reading but every night, just him and I sit and read his "baggy books". Its our time where he tells me three stories every night. Plus I swear, he gives the best hugs.

So that has been the last 48 hours. A lot to take in but full of promise. I'm not perfect and I guess this is the best way to show you I am not. Life is all about the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly right? I promise will never will be selfish again. I never go back on my promises. I need to heal from the past and learn to deal with what is going on now. I had a moment that almost took everything away and I will never let that happen ever again. Things may not be perfect, but realistically....things are good in its own fucked up way.

I'm heading back to schoolwork. I just thought to share. 

Politics Smallatics.......

I really hate all the political nonsense that is going on lately. It only seems like people actually give a shit on what is going on with anything is when its time to vote. People think they can lecture about why you should do this and that every second they feel like it.
I did appreciate a post on Facebook that one of my friends made. He hit the nail right on the spot on how EVERYONE should be looking at this years election. 

Here is what he said, "I am sick of all this political bull already. 20 more days and its over. Everyone has their own opinions on who would make a better president. This election is not about the better candidate. It's about the lesser of 2 evils! Either way we vote we are in trouble!"

Perfect right? Our economy has been shitty. Our current President with four years of office has done some things but not enough. I think they could have done better picking a different representative for the Republican side but those are our options. I would honestly hate to be President of the US because no matter what it is impossible to make everyone happy and everything okay. 

There was a moment on where I was actually undecided until I had a political brawl with my sister in law. You know that whole audio of Romney saying he wasn't going to worry about that certain percentage of people because he knew he couldn't get their vote? Basically after digging around, he is speaking the truth. People have become so dependent on the government's assistance that they don't want someone coming in making changes to that. Unemployment rates are ridiculous. Companies are paying literally nothing to get workers in and people are actually taking it because they can't find anything else.

I myself depend on the government for help with my daughter. Being Autistic doesn't allow private health care to cover her needs so we are put in the position to actually "NEED" the government and that is exactly what Romney said he can not change the viewpoints of that percentage of people. He can't count on those votes so why attempt it? 

I can't wait till the election is over so the TV will stop showing these men constantly spinning situations all over the place and basically badmouthing one another every chance they get.

No matter who is President, we are still screwed. Plain and simple. 

Me against the world

I’ve gone through more than I can chew in the past few years. If it was gum, I think I would have enough to make the empire state building keep hold for a good while. Everything has to be so extreme and dramatic and I’m brusquely just fucking sick of it.

I’m sick of fighting with family. I’m definitely sick of having to explain myself every five seconds. How can a person be an original when there is constant backlash advising how much I suck as person?

Everyone has their quirks. The way they think and the way they do things. Especially when it comes to how they specifically handle situations. I do have moments where I don’t think before I speak or do and those moments usually come back and bite me in the ass. Then again though, I am being me. Why do I have to change so much about myself yet again to appease others? I’m not having it. I answer to only a few people and even then there are certain areas of where there are limits.

I’m not this person that wants to belittle, offend, or even humiliate another. That is not who I am and I’m sick and tired of being characterized as someone that doesn’t give two shits about anyone but me. That is no who I am. Plain and simple.

I’m not perfect by any means. I have a long list of faults and things I wish I could take back but realistically that can’t happen. I do though when I am wrong will confess it. Even when it is not needed I do step forward and take responsibility.

I made a Facebook post yesterday. It said, “Apparently my humor isn’t taken well by others. I am sorry if I have offended anyone, I will watch my tone… to an extent. I can’t help being me. It comes with the personality and the DNA. “

To me….that sums up a lot. There is only two people that really know where those words even originated from but that’s what is great about transparency. I do share a lot. Typically especially when I blog is when you see most of it. I don’t mind being an open book. I hope it actually usually will shut those fun rumors that fly around from people that they think they know everything. Want to know something? Go to the fucking source. Don’t understand something? Ask the person who confused you.

When I first started writing this blog yesterday, the drama has of course added a lot more to what I even expected to exploit. I thought about for a second to see if I should keep it to myself but what really does that do? Just let me walk around in a ball of anger and hurt with no one to talk to? This morning is another example on how my past will never be put aside and quite depicting behavior of me. I always just hoped the best and begged for the one I love most to love me….even when I do screw up. We have come a long way but not long enough. I woke to be calling every name in a book. A whore, a cunt, etc….. Plus I can’t forget the part where his wedding band thrown at my face. All for what?  Because a guy on my stupid twitter account asked if I was married and I responded that I was. My marriage is apparently over because I answered a question. I blocked this guy on twitter yesterday and apparently because he got through my direct messages and my reply caused an “unblock”. Like I fucking know.  Besides, I’m telling the complete stranger that thought it was appropriate to hit on me that I was married? Why is that a bad thing? Am I missing something here?

This is the social media world. Not everyone knows every little quirk and why things happen the way they do. All things happen for a reason though. I’m a firm believer of that. My husband hates me. He is just finding an excuse for it to make sense. I could be wrong….who knows.

I guess this is an end and a beginning. So if you need me…….I will forever be unavailable. The feeling of your heart being broke in a million pieces is the worst feeling in the world. All my fragile strength is gone………………..

Hell: 1 Me: 0

Wish you where here.............

I should be prepared for this. Especially knowing for awhile that my grandmother was passing. Its just hard to be sitting with her one second and talking about random things to now she is gone.

Busha (Czech for grandmother), pretty much was my idol. I've looked up to her even when I was little. When others thought differently of my life, she always stood by my side. Her sense of perception is not like most. She understood that people make mistakes and not to count that against them as a person.

I still remember the first time she taught me how to make Kluskie. This is a polish potato dumpling that well my whole family loves. Its a staple to our holiday dinners. My grandfather was still alive and him and my Dad were on the front porch watching the birds while Busha and I were at work making our family delicacy. I may have only been 12, but I remember every second.

Speaking with her on the phone, whether we just had the same conversation the day before, we will have it again and she would still respond the same. It didn't matter. The one thing that never changed was that even when she wasn't lucid, she still knew who I was always.

Yesterday when I went to sit with her, it was probably the hardest things I ever had to do. At first I didn't think she even knew I was there. I sat and prayed. Told her about how all her great grandchildren are doing and I blessed her. I was holding her hand during all of this and when I said it was time for me to go she held my hand.

We all grieve differently. I honestly don't really know how to right now so I guess that's why I am writing?
I don't know.........

I miss her already.

Musical Keynote

Before I begin, THANK YOU my dear Facebook friends for providing me with the information that I needed to write this. There was a reason for your participation which you will see here in a second.
We all live our lives and doing the things that we do. Whether we end the day remembering everything we did or not, my guess is that if there was music playing that day you would know and remember that feeling or it may just imprinted something in you that will grow old with you.
Our music is up loud in our cars, we blare our music when we clean the house (Well, I do anyways), we party with friends with our favorite songs. You share your first dance with your husband at your wedding which will allow you to never forget that moment.
 Our ears are stimulated through our soul that without music one could never gain one of the greatest triggers for human sensors. Every thought about how our world would be and how we would be without it? Music allows the young enthusiast to connect, the old to reminisce, and the in bet-weens to feel a sense of freedom within. Music will forever be the universal language that connects us all. Music is a medium which we all understand. We all have our favorites and within the range of choice is the unique expression of oneness.
 I've said this before in past writings that when I do sit down and write, I listen to classical piano. Even in high school when I was studying; that was my choice. It stimulates me to be open minded with every key played. People always said classical music will stimulate your brain for more effective productivity. I don't listen to it for that reason, I just like it. I always like an additive bonus though!! Haha
Here is where you all come into play now. I asked what your favorite song was and why. I will share a few and then maybe explain to you why it is yours.
Someone wrote "The Sunshine Song". To me and that person, it means friendship. To me and my children, it means comfort and love. The same song that I love to sing and hear takes myself to different moments and different feelings all within the same song. Its short and sweet and gets to the point. My kids know that its their song and will forever be so.
Someone also threw out a Christina Perri song......First of all, she is an amazing writer and her voice is brilliant. I haven't heard a song yet that I do not like. A thousand years is found in I think the next twilight or just recent Twilight movie....either way its expression of love. How long you crave it and have waited for it. Sharing your whole soul and just waiting for the right response. Pure emotion. Whether your singing it yourself or just listening to it. I'm sure whomever this song means to you, your wrapped so much in the lyrics to the point where it is you and your life and your just waiting.
Others chose songs because of just simply how it states where they are in their life right now. It creates that existence for them. Other songs are reminders of good times and the season of the year. Its all about dictating those emotions and feelings and taking you to that place where you are in your heart and ears of course and feeling the words and the music. 
There are those songs though that we avoid. It reminds us of our mistakes, failures or pretty much something we have packed away in our memory that we never want to come out and for some reason that damn song plays and we are pissed and just want it to stop. Next thing you know, your breaking your iPod or stereo and ready to punch a wall, scream and cry all at the same time. All just because of a song.
I didn't share with you on Facebook like you did in regards to what my favorite song is and why so here I go. I'm going to share three actually. The first is The Dance from Garth Brooks. This song has been mine and my husbands song back even 14 years ago. If he is away and its on the radio he calls and sings to me. I will play it on our anniversary or after a fight so we can remember hey, we love each other. Another song I hold close is Wish you were here from Pink Floyd. This song stirs up multiple memories. It began of course back in day when I would be hanging out at the Roman house. Jordan, Amy, Andrew, Benji and Ruben would get out their guitars and sing. Since Jordan's passing, I remember those happy moments that we used to share even though I wish he was still here when I hear that song. I miss my friend. Now a song that just defines me. This is a tough one but we all have ways on how we separate where we are in our life right now. Luckily I can do that with one song. Well...at least with the song of the day anyways. A Voice within by Christina Aguilera. Favorite verse would be: " Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within...Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way. You will learn to begin to trust the voice within." I write and vent about pretty much everything and sometimes struggle with it. Its hard to not be transparent when I just want to get it all out and then I will find myself knowing what I am feeling and not finding the words to match it.
So that is a little about me and a little about some of you. We find ourselves through music no matter who we are. We define ourselves with it and we praise the day with it. No matter who you are or whatever genre a song comes from, you connect with it that maybe you will be the only one that understands it. It doesn't matter because you may not be capable of pushing out certain emotions a song can do, but that is why you have that song isn't it?

Bitch Fest

I know your waiting for my music blog, but of course there has to be something else that has to deter me from writing something powerful to me just bitching.
As most of you have seen already on my Facebook, someone had the audacity to not only send a hurtful message anonymously through my business site, but now has messed with my Facebook postings.
Someone that makes fun at me...whatever. Do what you want. Be jealous or whatever you want to call it. I've worked so hard on changing myself since having FIVE children and why is it wrong for me to keep working on it???
One thing that has been most important to me is my freedom of expression. I write because its second nature. Its apart of me. Most of you seem to appreciate what I have to say and I'm grateful for that. Some of you may not even have ever read anything of what I write which is okay too. I write for me when it comes to this blog. On my other blog, I write for the readers. I may not be the best writer in the world but I do have a lot to say so this is the way I do it. Or you see tons of ramblings on Facebook.

Over the past week, I had to apologize for a status that worried a lot of people. People need to tend to remember that Facebook is a way to express yourself and sometimes things can be taken out of context. That night when I posted what I did, I felt the need to. Just for the moment. I do very much appreciate the concern but I have had probably the worst week, and especially that night to be of ever. I was awaken by a horrible embarrassing situation on top of everything else I was dealing with. I'm not going into detail of what happened, but because I posted three words at 4am, not only did my world change, but also the understanding of my family.

I have family now that wants nothing to do with my Facebook....which is fine. Delete away. I've been trying to filter my life but really haven't had the need to lately because things were going good. I've been happy. Now because of one night that I was too drunk to think to block certain individuals from seeing what I wrote, I will now forever pay for it. Its my doing. My screw-up. I do understand that.

Transparency is something I written about before. You can either share your whole world with everyone, or nothing at all. Me, there is pretty much 95% of the time you get the pure girl. The girl that cusses and flicks off the camera. The girl that will talk shit when she's pissed off. Its who I am. Those of you that can't except it than delete away or just unsubscribe from my updates. That way if your curious on my life then you don't have to see me in your news feed.

I don't want the drama but apparently people fill the need that when things are going good to push their way into a situation that they will never understand. It is what is and I can't change that.

So here I am venting away. I have people that apparently hate me for me and trying to take away things from me that well, guess what? It won't happen. I am me. Stay away from my face book if you don't like what you see. Can't accept me, then disappear. I'm working on building a business on top of building more muscle with an amazing company that I'm more than ecstatic to be apart of....which I will blog on my other blog about here soon.

So that is that. It is what it is. Family or friends....this is me. Take it or leave it.

Primary Keys: Communication, Honesty, and Sex

There are keys to every relationship and/or marriage that have to always be balanced to make sure a future is viable. Love doesn't cut anymore kids. Factors of communication is always the primary key. If you can't talk to one another about everything and anything then that leads to trust issues. If you don't trust one another then, then what? Live off of anti-depressants and hope things change?

I talk to my guy friends a lot. I can tell when they are down in the dumps so me, as awesome as I am...haha, will listen to their issues. Most of the time, I am listening to something that their girl should be listening to but they have been put in a position that they can't even trust their partner to even have that conversation so they are having it with me, searching for help.

Guys don't like it when a girl cries. Girls hate it when a man shuts down and walks away. Girls have a tendency to push buttons because they become inpatient when they are seeking resolution to whatever nonsense fight it was today that he isn't ready to talk about and the next thing you know, someone is on the couch or worse didn't come home that night.

My husband shuts down very quickly. He holds a lot in until he is pretty much ready to burst. Me, I burst right away so we are completely opposite. The things that we have managed to do after all these years is to actually learn our mannerisms when we fight and find that right time when we are both ready for resolution. Now that is the key. We don't fight and ignore. We don't fight and walk away forever. We talk it out. Piece by piece to the point of when we are finally on the same page. Even have 14 years, I will learn something new about my husband because I pay attention. Finally he is picking that up on my end to.

One of my guy friends has issues with his girl. She insists that if they have a relationship that there should be no need for porn, strip clubs, or masturbating. I'm not surprised because I know a lot of girls like this. Well anyways, that isn't just the key to it all. She insisted these rules, but then denies him of sex. Now he feels when he sneaks away to take care of himself that he is being bad and ruining his relationship. So what is the problem here? So....because there are always two sides to everything I talk with his girl to find out whats going on. She explained to me her rules. Which are fine for her...whatever, but her reason for not being intimate with her man was because she found a dirty magazine in his bathroom. So she is punishing him. Sounds kinda fucked up to me.

Hahaha...sorry, I just realized that I'm actually playing therapist here. Sorry..anyways so I sat both of them down and made some points clear. I may disagree with the whole masturbating, porn, hell even strip clubs, but that is just me. I made her realize that if you find a man that will live up to your rules then you have a pretty good one. People make mistakes but in this case she was denying him sexual needs before he finally broke down and took care of himself.

Sex is in our nature people. Whether its just sex, a good fucking, or making love or masturbating, we all do it because its what we do. We all have needs. They have to be met or your going to lose one of the most important key factors to HOLD a relationship. For guys it is a great chance for them to cheat. Its not because of their heart its because of that insane amount of blood flow and the lack of intimacy that they need. If there is a problem, don't punish someone that you love. Talk to them. Talk it all out. Don't hold back on anything. You can't be scared to say something to the person you love. If they are upset they will either learn to understand your perspective or they just won't.

So COMMUNICATE!!!!!! Be HONEST!!!! Don't fear your partner. A relationship is a partnership so how are you going to make it work if only one person is making the rules??

Side note though for the girls. As I said up there, I don't have a problem with porn, magazines and strip clubs. How do you think your man learns all his damn moves to begin with?? Don't you want to experience something new and exciting? Plus, a guy at a strip club gets so worked up all he wants is YOU when he comes home. Its pretty much going to be the best fuck of the week so get it out of your head that "Oh he isn't thinking about me". Shut up. He is home there with YOU...ripping YOUR clothes off. There is a huge difference between sex, fucking, and making love. I've said this to you all a million times before.

So....God is Great...Beer is fucking good....and Women are crazy. ;) Even me.

xoxo

Smart people can be the dumbest in the world

When someone comes to you for a question they think of you as a resource. They think you are the expert or what they believe is close enough or good enough for them to VALUE your advice and guidance. If you don't feel like helping someone because it takes too long to find the answer then respectably decline. I am personally just confused on a certain individual refusal to be loyal and helpful to their "so called friends". Just because someone isn't on your business Facebook page or Twitter connecting you in that form doesn't mean you have to be a jerk when they find what works for them to connect to you with.

I don't get much interaction on this blog or my business facebook page...but I have been lucky with my Life Dosing Drugs Blogs.  The fact that I still write on any form of my social media connections is my need to communicate what is on my mind and to see if it reaches others or not. The Internet has opened doors to become the most social person you could ever be by just sitting in your office chair staring at a computer screen. I am grateful for the emails and the phone calls and hell even the text messages when they come. It makes me feel like what I say and do makes a difference and that was the whole point of being socially connected within the media. I've even been lucky enough to be apart of the New York Times on adverse drug reactions because of the way I answered what I thought just a regular reader question in a blog and it turned out to be an editor for the paper.

I  read a person verbally bash a friend for asking why they shut down their social sites. It was all in curiosity and that friend seemed to be a concerned. In return, the verbal bashing peon insulted the friend so that they may have had this person on their list that they "could count on" now kicked to the list, "I would never ask anything of this person ever again because well they are a complete selfish, way too into themselves....asshat."

We grow as adults. We learn, or at least I hope we all do along the way. You become valuable for the profession your in and your interests. You don't want to run a company anymore? Okay fine...but don't bitch out the world when they still thought and believe you have value.

People come to me and ask me questions from raising a large family, having special needs children, marriage issues, and of course the pharmacy sector. Why? Because it is what defines me. Feels good that people can ask me things. Whether they take the advice or not it really doesn't matter. They thought I was good enough to be asked. I would never belittle someone for asking a question. This whole world is based on teaching experience. You learn in your job, you of course learn while your a student.......why deny a lesson you could teach a friend? Shit..we are all teachers at some point.

Social websites take time and dedication. You want to go big and have high traffic then you have to put the word out....like everywhere. That shit costs money, yes....but if you think your worth it then quit your bitching and keep going. We have 18 year old millionaires because they had an idea and didn't give up on it. Some events happened for them by pure luck but there are still opportunities out there for the next big thing or we would never have the saying that there will be the next big thing. Things take time, resources, money, networking.......you could have the highest IQ in the world but if your an ass to anyone you kinda ruined your chances by building your brand.

We have the government now trying to weigh in on how we socially connect with others. This good old free country that is apparently full of "Free Speech" is being jeopardized yet again. I'm going to have to go back to writing in my diary with no one ever knowing my opinion which may be good for some but is that the world we want?I mean seriously....what the hell would you do with yourself if you couldn't have Facebook?

I'm sorry for the rant. I just became really discouraged by someone I once respected. I don't understand why they are choosing this path for themselves but its not up to me for what they chose to do. Its just sad when they have such a lot to offer not just to their close friends but eventually the right person in the world that will make them the big time hot shot they want to be someday....but apparently being a douchebag is the way they want to go so whatever.

Its just frustrating....Imagine walking into an Apple store and asking Steve Jobs (while he was still alive RIP) a question on one of the products he developed and him yelling at you saying, "I don't answer questions. If your not smart enough to use the product then your not worth owning it."

See where I'm annoyed?? Smart people can be the dumbest in the world.

Lemon drops and jobs

I'm getting yelled at for not blogging. I take it as a good sign?? lol I really miss writing. Been really busy and too tired to put sentences together. Plus the fact that I have to sit in my office versus lounging on my big comfy couch with the laptop has been putting a damper on things too. My laptop as taken a dive to well...not wanting to work. Its old anyways. Need to invest in a new one but my current budget isn't very friendly lately....plus I'm looking only at iMac's so it may be awhile to fit that in.

This month is a little rough but a nice fresh outlook to what lies ahead. I'm glad that 2011 is finally the past....just need to get through this month to officially have everything in the past. I can't help but wonder if a certain someone would even know what would have happened this month or not. I'm past the point of wanting it to matter let alone mean anything. Its a trial and tribulation of my life and I'm thankful the husband has done everything and anything to distract from it. Its just still a dark cloud and it sucks.

I've always been that type of person that can relate a moment and/or thought to a song, a date, or even a food. Lemon drops remind me of my first date with Joe. I had a mass supply of them in my purse for some reason and they spilled all over the floor with Joe laughing at me for having so many in my possession. Now, lemon drops bring me back to that day and the moment with vivid memory. In a way it doesn't make sense because I forget about something that happened fifteen minutes ago but remember events and people like a cheat sheet on the back of my hand. The reason I brought this up was just to relate to the fact of no matter how we want to move forward and forget what we did in the past, moments will slip in and hit you off guard and those feelings of pain or happiness will be there. At least that is the way it works for me.

Enough about all that now......here is an update of positiveness. Throughout my facebook I've shared numerous times of my job hunt. I do still have a job. A great job....which I love my job but its time to move forward. Plus it helps with a boost from the fact that our surgery count is so low that my hours are being cut like firewood ready to be thrown in a fire that is almost out. I've been telling headhunters that have been helping me find the right position to not just find me a job. They have to find something that will be something that I would like and it has to make sense for my career path. I've had tons of friends and colleagues tell me about positions that maybe hiring for but its almost an insult to take a job that would label me as taking two steps backwards. I don't want that and I definitely do not need that. Thank heavens the pharmacy sales job interviews are coming my way. I'm super excited about them and its definitely the direction I want to take. People keep telling me that its a hard job to even manage and to look at something else. Honestly....shut the fuck up. Plain and simple. Just because you know someone that maybe a rep, doesn't mean you know the business let alone how I will handle it. Pharmaceuticals has been my life and I've been building a portfolio over the years of connections because I knew my career would eventually take me to this point. I just wish people would just support me instead of saying something negative about what I chose to do. That goes with everything too. Some people think that the military is out of the question for me. Keep thinking that. I'm just done talking about it because well everyone I pretty much have shared my joy and passion of it doesn't support it so they are just counted as another person that won't know when that happens for me. It is what it is and they made it that way.

So that is a little bit of what has been going on lately. Next blog will be filled of some pictures and the story of Joe's and mine hunting trip we took over the weekend. We had fun.

Until next time....... xoxo