I’ve gone through more than I can chew in the past few
years. If it was gum, I think I would have enough to make the empire state
building keep hold for a good while. Everything has to be so extreme and
dramatic and I’m brusquely just fucking sick of it.
I’m sick of fighting with family. I’m definitely sick of
having to explain myself every five seconds. How can a person be an original
when there is constant backlash advising how much I suck as person?
Everyone has their quirks. The way they think and the way
they do things. Especially when it comes to how they specifically handle
situations. I do have moments where I don’t think before I speak or do and
those moments usually come back and bite me in the ass. Then again though, I am
being me. Why do I have to change so much about myself yet again to appease
others? I’m not having it. I answer to only a few people and even then there
are certain areas of where there are limits.
I’m not this person that wants to belittle, offend, or even
humiliate another. That is not who I am and I’m sick and tired of being
characterized as someone that doesn’t give two shits about anyone but me. That
is no who I am. Plain and simple.
I’m not perfect by any means. I have a long list of faults
and things I wish I could take back but realistically that can’t happen. I do
though when I am wrong will confess it. Even when it is not needed I do step
forward and take responsibility.
I made a Facebook post yesterday. It said, “Apparently my
humor isn’t taken well by others. I am sorry if I have offended anyone, I will
watch my tone… to an extent. I can’t help being me. It comes with the
personality and the DNA. “
To me….that sums up a lot. There is only two people that
really know where those words even originated from but that’s what is great
about transparency. I do share a lot. Typically especially when I blog is when
you see most of it. I don’t mind being an open book. I hope it actually usually
will shut those fun rumors that fly around from people that they think they
know everything. Want to know something? Go to the fucking source. Don’t
understand something? Ask the person who confused you.
When I first started writing this blog yesterday, the drama
has of course added a lot more to what I even expected to exploit. I thought
about for a second to see if I should keep it to myself but what really does
that do? Just let me walk around in a ball of anger and hurt with no one to
talk to? This morning is another example on how my past will never be put aside
and quite depicting behavior of me. I always just hoped the best and begged for
the one I love most to love me….even when I do screw up. We have come a long
way but not long enough. I woke to be calling every name in a book. A whore, a
cunt, etc….. Plus I can’t forget the part where his wedding band thrown at my
face. All for what? Because a guy on my
stupid twitter account asked if I was married and I responded that I was. My
marriage is apparently over because I answered a question. I blocked this guy
on twitter yesterday and apparently because he got through my direct messages
and my reply caused an “unblock”. Like I fucking know. Besides, I’m telling the complete stranger
that thought it was appropriate to hit on me that I was married? Why is that a
bad thing? Am I missing something here?
This is the social media world. Not everyone knows every
little quirk and why things happen the way they do. All things happen for a
reason though. I’m a firm believer of that. My husband hates me. He is just
finding an excuse for it to make sense. I could be wrong….who knows.
I guess this is an end and a beginning. So if you need me…….I will forever be unavailable. The feeling of your heart being broke in a million pieces is
the worst feeling in the world. All my fragile strength is gone………………..
Hell: 1 Me: 0
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