Sex Please

****Just a little disclaimer before reading further. This isn't for the prude let alone kids. Don't continue to read if sex bothers you. ***


Okay....so your in a long term relationship and/or married. Sex is just one of those things anymore. Its like you look at the calendar and see its Thursday and you think..."I'm getting it in tonight". Hello!!!! Pathetic. Really. It doesn't have to be that way. Things get hard to balance with work, school, and kids and hell what to make for freaking dinner....but the one thing you shouldn't ever plan is when to get it hard.

Best piece of advice that I got from a couple that have been together for over 30 years was that the husband said, "I still date my wife". I think he maybe the only guy in the world out there that does that...but hey, you boys need to learn from someone. Go back and try to remember how you were wondering what you had to do and/or say to get a piece of ass. You actually had to go out of your way to try to make something happen. Quit trying to expect it, let alone demand it. You can't test a woman because we can hold that shit hostage. Don't just think the Lion's Den is for men because us girls can go a lot longer with the funness of our toys then you can with Mr. Right Hand.

Women, now don't just do it because you think its required. Remember you actually used to enjoy it......well at least I hope you did. Sex is needed. Make it fun. Make it spontaneous. Don't think that every time you do something that it has to be "making love". Shut up. I really honestly hate it when I hear girls say that shit. Bitching about that they won't do anything unless it means something. I just want to smack them upside the head and have them wake up to reality. Realistically, you can tell the difference. Passion is different then when you get down and dirty. Sex is just something we need. I can literally walk around a public place and can tell who just got laid and who just really needs someone to just touch them. Plus if a girl really thinks every time she lets her man have access to the goods is making love then she is dumb. Beyond dumb.

So...with all that, here is my advice. Stay at home mamas, put some make-up on. Take off those granny panties and put on those Lacey Victoria secrets that you know your ass looks good in. Make your man look at you and not have them all disappointed when they come home and see your hair pulled up and his basketball shorts on. Take care of yourself and it will one: Confuse them and Two: won't stop staring. Good things if you want to get it in.
Guys....you need a lot of advice but here is just a bit. You don't deserve access just because you brought home flowers or happened to remember to take the trash out. Quit expecting it because you think you have been a good boy. Little things make the big changes vs. the large gestures. Is a strand of hair in her face? Stop her for a minute and move it out of the way and look into her eyes. Remind her that she is beautiful at complete random moments. Next thing you know you may have learned how to hold your balance standing up because you just curled her toes by barely touching her and she is probably in attack mode. Oh and one more thing. Almost forgot. Men: now please if you know your going to be a 10 pump rookie, make sure you don't just pump and go without paying first. Just saying.

Everyone needs to make the effort. Everyone needs to have sex. Just not all with each other please. That is gross. So there is some randomness for ya. Enjoy!